By David Keuss, Lead Pastor @ The Lakes Church

What happens when two lives become one? 

It seems like a dream, but then we find it is not as easy as it looks at all.  Relationship trouble happens when the two becoming one together still live for themselves rather than for both.  No one is perfect.  That’s why there’s grace. 

But there’s also reality.  To live reality you need the instructions.  To make things work in the day to day, it takes initiative. 

That harmonious life together takes you first.  Don’t bail out; instead tackle some of these practical things as a personal challenge.  Now that’s just what you wanted to hear right?  Something else to do!  No. 

But listen; to fight our tendency to love self over one another, we have to act against our wrong attitude with God’s help. 

What should we do to win more than lose in our personal attitude?  Here are some examples.  There’s the idea that the other person in our marriage should work at fixing themselves, but we do not have to do anything or take the first step.  This is an example of pride to be avoided. 

God is opposed to the proud, so our prayers along those lines would fail.  That’s why things do not work out when we take that approach of let them fix themselves, and then I’ll work on my heart. 

What other things are obstacles to marriage success? 

In the Bible, the Letter to the Colossians chapter three, we are told we have an action to do as well.  We must truly love our spouse by changing our knee jerk thoughts and actions.  We must consider our new life of faith so that we live dead to our favored pet sins. 

These are things Colossians says like our favorite personal immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, or greed.  We also should put aside our favorite kinds of anger Paul said in to those in the church of Colossae. 

What is your favorite way to be bitter or hold onto anger?  Work out a way to not hold onto that.  Reflect on a Bible verse that helps you stop, like Colossians three verse eight offers.  There are different ways to show love too in a marriage. 

For men, the Bible says we need to focus on loving our wives, and for women we need to focus on building up or encouraging your husband. 

So try this.  Consider praying about how to be free from anger so you can love your spouse as you want to.  This gets you a line to heaven where the help is. 

Then evaluate in your own action what you normally say and do when things don’t go as they should.  The things that prevent us from having the relationship we need are often a matter of fighting our tendencies. 

So the next time you want to respond or provoke your spouse from a selfish attitude, stop and remind yourself, you are called to honor God first.  It’s not just how you feel you want to respond. 

Perhaps ask a local pastor to help you stay accountable in your attitudes.  When you take the steps to do this you will in due time have more of the marriage you want.